it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
