take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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