I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
