i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
