so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
