Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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