one two three fourrrrnication!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
