jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
