I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
