Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The uberlube is also flammable
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
