i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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