Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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