He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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