Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
