I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
