I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
