UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
