I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
