Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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