I wish I could punch you in the face.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
