: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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