That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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