AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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