you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
