His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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