you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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