someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
