Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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