I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
