I will die if light touches me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pooping to opera.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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