He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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