Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
