I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
