You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
