yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
