Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
