Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
there is glitter all over my balls
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
