Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i believe in u and ur pee
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
