I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
