would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
