hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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