I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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