Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
