im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
