any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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