You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How drunk are you?
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