You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
