My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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