The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
