If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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