My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
